Friday, July 13, 2012


“Are they real siblings?” "Are you their "real" mom? These questions are some we receive quite often when we are out and from adults none the less. I have often wondered late at night what it is they are trying to determine. Maybe if my kids live under the same roof together, or are made to share their every every thing or find immense amounts of pure happiness in irritating the absolute crud out of each other.  Yes, all of which they do as a part of their normal up and down sibling relationship.Who hasn't made their little sister (or brother) cry on purpose? Or gotten them in trouble by tattling? But, I think that the questioner wants to know if the kids have same parents.To me it is quite obvious. I am!  And while the answer to that question is yes, they are… at least legally; my guess is that the question goes much much deeper. Some say it some just give us the stare down and are trying to place them all. I have even had a woman comment that Boomer "has my eyes but must have her daddy's completion"....mine are blue by the way! Ha!  The questioner probably really wants to know if the Ace and Boomer are biologically related and more importantly if Little Man Q, Tank, Boomer and Ace are related and to what parent. Well, no they arn't with DNA....technically, but yes legally. Does DNA define it all??? If that were true, who are Ace and Boomers "real" parents? Not their birth family that's not a parent is it? Not in this case atleast. 
I think we need to look further into that.  Maybe the ones that love them, nuture them, educate them, support them, house them,pray for them, decide what school is right for them, pay for field trips,tuck them in at night, make them brush their teeth and insist they eat their veggies make me the "real" mom, right?????. What defines a Mom and Dad to you? What defines a sibling?? Look in these pictures...can you see the bonds? Tank and Q don't know any different as they were born into this situation. Boomer was almost 2 when Tank was born and we introducted him as her baby brother. What else is he? 

I have written about how I feel about the  intrusive questions in the past so I am not going to write about how annoying it is on the nosiness of most people.If you want to read that click HERE  This question goes beyond simple nosiness though.  The underlying question is how one defines a family.  When people ask the question, they  must know that the kids are being raised together and they should know I am their mother,(as they call "mommmmm" a million or so times in public) so if you think about it, the obvious conclusion is that they are in fact siblings.( And yes Ace and Boomer are related by blood if that helps anyones curiosity.) However, the people that ask these questions often aren’t convinced that is enough to make them REAL siblings or a "real" son and "real daughter".The puzzled looks and eyebrows tell me otherwise! I’m guessing that they define a family as people that share DNA…the old blood is thicker than water mentality.I get that,  however then the millions of adopted children in the world are left parent less again??? Um, no. 

Obviously, we define family differently and this blood definition strikes me as odd.  If blood was what it takes to create a family, then how could my husband and I make a family?  If we shared DNA our marriage would be illegal, at least in most northern states.LOl!! DNA can't be the only measure. How can it be or no husband and wife could be considered "family". I am also sure that the asker isn't fulling thinking about the deeper meaning, the 20-50 other times I have been asked that or what kind of effect that has on my kids when it is in front of them. I demand that my kids love eachother, protect eachother,praise eachother and make time for eachother( like all parents do of blood siblings). I often tell them that once their Dad and I are in heaven that they will have to depend on eachother and love one another. What kind of message does that asker bring to the table? The very fact that I have always called them siblings has now been questioned. That really gets to me. I am their Mother. I do the daily mothering that it takes to be called a Mom. Anyone can be a mother.....but only dedicated ones can be "Mommy". 

I know I often only show great times on here through pictures and stories. The fact is we do get looks and questions and unwanted attention everywhere we go. I expect it now actually. But, I don't want to have to defend the intergerity of lifelong relationships Little Man Q and Tank have with their big brother and sister. Nor do I want to the other  way around. I want Ace and Boomer to feel like they belong, DNA or not. They are my kids PERIOD!!!! I have papers that legally state they have the same last name as us parents. I fill out other sibling sections on school and church paperwork with thier "real" siblings names. Where it states Mother and Father....I write Z and I. What else would I write??

No comments:

Post a Comment